Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
