Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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