What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
