I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
