i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
