Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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