Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
