this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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