i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
