If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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