Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
