Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
