I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
