thus making me awesome and them whores
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
