I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
