Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You know, be my cock's hype man.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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