i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
