OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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