He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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