Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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