Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
