I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
