I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your penis caused this!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
