oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
