You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
