6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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