ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
