Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We got so high we made milksteak
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
