He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is the high leading the old right now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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