I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So apparently I’m into choking now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
