I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
