Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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