Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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