I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
