he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize