My cat gives me a boner
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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