Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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