I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
