did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You pole danced in your parka.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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