I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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