You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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