Define "chronic" masturbator.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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