Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
