it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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