How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
