bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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