and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
