I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
