Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
