Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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