Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
