hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
