I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
