I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Michael Bay diarrhea
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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