Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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