I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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