I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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