So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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