Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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