I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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