So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
