im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
