i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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