this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
