His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
