My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
