I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
