Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
