he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
