If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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