I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
