Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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